The Last Laugh
by Darkness Flames
Summary: I bet even as you inhaled your last breath you were smirking thinking about how much of and idiot I will act. Playing the idiot, that's what I'm best at isn't it? I hate you. [oneshot]


The Last Laugh

By darkness flames

You bastard. I hate you. You never even let me say goodbye. You never gave me the chance. Am I not worth it? Am I so lowly that I'm not even allowed to see life breathe in and out of your body one last time? Must I be denied the privilege of sending you off and saying our final farewell?

But that's not your style is it? _You_ always have to have the final laugh._ I_ always have to play the fool in the game. I bet even as you inhaled your last breath you were smirking; thinking about how much of and idiot I will act. Playing the idiot, that's what I'm best at isn't it? I hate you.

And you know what? People talk. I can hear them. They say I didn't care. They said I didn't care because I wasn't there by your side. But how could I have been there if you never told me? How could I have even known if everyone continues to lie and put up phony smiles and say everything is okay? It's not okay! Everything was never okay! It stopped being okay when you lied! You lied and told me everything was fine. People think you were being noble. They say you were trying to protect me. They say you didn't want to hurt me. I don't want to be protected! I rather live in the truth of reality rather than slip into a fake assurance that everything's fine and dandy. And once again I play the dunce and you are the so called hero who gets away with everything. But I bet that's part of your plan too isn't it? Just so you can have the last laugh. I hate you.

I was on tour in America. I didn't know. But Hiro did. Fujisaki did. K did. Hell, even Sakano did. They all knew didn't they? They all knew except me. I was oblivious, idiotically oblivious. I began to wonder why you stopped calling. I thought it was because you have a deadline to meet. Who could've known that you were attacked? Attacked by a six letter word. A six letter word more deadly than sin. A six letter word that kills and leaves nothing, just an empty void. That's what cancer does. It destroys everything. The only thing that remains is a constant cold numbness that devours your very being. A numbness that infects everyone around you. But you knew what was going to happen didn't you? You planned everything so you can have the last laugh. And I hate you.

It wasn't until I came back, and everything just hit me. It was everywhere; your face, the gloom of your death, and the tears of your fans. The funeral was already over, done without even me knowing. You were lowered to the lightless depths of the earths without my consent.

Finally I knew. And a part of me wished I didn't. A part of me thought that if I was still on tour, if I was still in America, then I could believe you were okay, that you weren't gone.

I was too late. I am always too late. For everything. You were already six feet under. You were already dead. There. I said it. All this time I've never said it until now. And you know what? It hurts; a dull ache that can sharpen at a moment's notice. A pain that I hate, but you revel in. You were always kind of a sadist weren't you? You love to see me writhe in agony don't you? Well fuck, I'm in a whole lot of pain now. I guess you accomplished everything didn't you, lived fucking fulfilling live.

The world doesn't stop just for the pain of one person, does it? But oh how I wish it would right now. I yearn for it to cease its constant rotating, forcing us to move on, even when we're not ready. I'm not ready! How can anyone ever be ready when they just lost they're God? That's right, _you_ are my God. Not Sakuma, you. You are the one who rules my every waking moment. You are the one who controls every strand of my will. To defy you is to mean instant condemnation. But…you are dead. And I have no God left. Gone were my will and my reason. I hate you.

I wish I wouldn't care so much. But you know I'm always overly emotional.

…why?

Why didn't you just let me say goodbye? I just want one stupid goodbye! Heh, it always comes back to this, how hilarious. If I, your lover, don't even have the chance to say that then what do I have! Damn it! I'm your lover! You probably let that Tohma see you on your deathbed! Was our relationship so fucking pointless to you that you didn't even bother to tell me that you were dying?

….Damn it..

I hate you!

I hate you so much!

I hate you so much…

…that's why I love you.

-Owari-

A/N: Well…another short ficlet by me. What do you think? Sorry if it's kinda of sketchy, I don't have anyone to edit it for me. But if I ever do get it edit I'll be sure to repost it. Anywho, constructive criticism is welcome!


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